Waking Up the Owner and Other Fun
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Winston here, coming to you from Deborah’s bedroom. Shh…Deborah’s sleeping, and we’re not going to wake her up for fifteen minutes. This time coming up is one of Emma’s and my favorite cat tasks of the day, and one of the most important.

We’ve been planning for this particular series of events for a couple of hours now, and we’ve been practicing some of these moves for days, mostly while Deborah was at work. We had to do it then because she gets mad when we do things like turn on the computer at night, and she’ll only get up to turn it off so many times in a row, which we think is very stick-in-the-muddish of her. Doesn’t she realize we’re just trying to practice so we can wake her up properly in the morning? Those humans—they just don’t appreciat
  
 
e how hard we cats work for them.

Anyway, turning the computer on is our first trick for the day, but it certainly isn’t the only thing we have planned for this morning (Emma’s more fond of this trick than I am—she knows just where to jump to get that satisfying whir and that great musical riff, as well as the fun-to-watch series of images on the screen). We have other things planned as well. I’ve been practicing my sweetest, tenderest shoulder-tapping move with my right front paw. Emma’s been finding just the right way to scrape that framed art print against the wall to make the loudest, yet most pleasing, sound she can. And I’ve been working on my new move—I discovered yesterday afternoon that if I clink our water and food bowls together just right (they’re porcelain), it makes a perfectly musical sound that’s actually just loud enough to work.

With all these moves and more—if she really won’t get up—we’ll have to resort to something as barbaric as wrestling with each other on the bed or chasing each other across her stomach—we’re planning to fulfill our duty of waking up Deborah so she can get to work on time.

All right, Emma—it’s time. Take up your position—wait, wait, wait—okay, it’s time—go, go, go. Oh, good jump on that computer—nice light touch on that ON button. Beautiful.

Deborah’s stirring—good, good, good—I’d hate to waste the bowl-clinking move if it wasn’t necessary—but no, she’s closed her eyes and turned over.

Time to go execute my staring move, and if necessary, the shoulder tap. Okay, so I’m staring, I’m staring—can’t she feel my eyes on her? I’ve been working on my cute face, too…Well, her eyes fluttered open again but she’s ignoring me again.

Let’s see what she thinks of the shoulder tap—ooh, she’s got her eyes open, and she’s reaching for her little battery-powered alarm clock, peering at it, putting it back down—nope, she’s turning back over—we lost her. So close.

All right, Emma, get across that room and on the chest of drawers. Oh good—you’re already there, standing in position—on your hind legs, front paws against the frame. Perfect. Hold it—now, go. Oh, that was a gorgeous grating sound—music to the ears. Oh, that’s got her—she’s out of bed—careful she’ll try to catch you—run, Emma, run—well, she’ll just hold you in bed for a couple minutes to keep you still. It’s all for the cause. But look, she’s back lying down again. Man, she is not getting up today.

Well, off to the porcelain bowls for my final planned move of the morning—we’ll have to punt if this doesn’t work. Oh, that’s the best I’ve ever done that—it’s breathtaking, really—my favorite move ever.

Wait a minute—Deborah’s mumbling something. What was that? Something about not needing to get up for two more hours on a normal day? I was sure she said 5 a.m. Hm. Maybe I got confused there. And what? Did she just say it was Saturday so she didn’t need to get up at all? Man, this sort of thing always seems to happen. The week just flies past, what with the sleeping and the scheming and the practicing, and then the weekend comes, and all of a sudden I’m supposed to remember to not wake her up? What does she expect from me, anyway?

Hey, wait a minute—Emma? Did she say it was Saturday? Yeah! Time to do the chase of joy on the bed—that means she’ll be around more for the next two days. Yippee!

Well, lots to do—it’s going to be a fun morning trying to get Deborah to play with us and pet us instead of sleeping, so I’ll sign off. Until next time…This is Winston for “The Cats’ Eye View of Entertainment.”

***Will Emma and Winston reveal the secret reasons they're so quick to follow Deborah around the apartment? Why are cats so curious, anyway? Find out the answers to these questions and more in next month's “Cat's Eye View of Entertainment,” appearing on your computer screen March 21, 2003.***

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