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I think I’ve discovered the reason why I prefer lounging on the couch watching Netflix movies over mowing my half-dead yard: It’s due to a mind-controlling parasitic “do not mow this grass” fungus that has turned me into a lazy good-for-practically-nothing zombie.
That’s right. I said zombie.
(WARNING: This story contains really big scientific words that I’ve never used before. If you come to a word you’re unfamiliar with,
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Dear new college freshmen:
Congratulations for successfully graduating from high school and taking it upon yourself to become one of our nation’s future leaders—which, frankly, we wish you would have done years ago because some of us are tired and ready to pass on the responsibility to others.
To help you through this very exciting time, I’ve decided to give you some Words of Wisdom that I wish I could say my great
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Hey! Are you listening to me? School is about to begin. That means school buses are going to be out on the road. Those big, yellow school buses carry our future leaders who will hopefully clean up the mess you and I have made of this planet. So be careful out there. We can’t afford to lose a one of them due to a senseless accident!
Besides, I’m driving one of those yellow school buses and having an accident would really ruin my
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